Missing You
This lyrics is written by my hubby, Veblen Natavio. This doesn't have a melody that can go with it yet. If you can, though, comment on this blog : )
I’ve been writing songs but the words weren’t enough
It’s already late at night and don’t know what’s wrong
The stars at night are bright but can’t give any clues
Reminiscing the past gives grin on my face
Beautiful faces I see have no signs of trouble
Wine bottle on my table is already empty
The room is warm and I find it so hard to breathe
Fear completely threatens and invades my life
My heart’s ready to scream and explode
The clock is ticking; I’m running out of time
Chorus
How could I leave if my heart belongs to you?
Can I still hold you in my arms and feel the warmth of your love?
I’ll miss the laughter and tears we’ve shared all these years
But did you know that I’d miss you if I walk out that door?
Oh God, how could nice people just slip away and turn them
To sweet but painful memories?
Beads of sweat is starting to show on my forehead
I’m running out of cigarettes and I’m now drained
Watching the cars as they pass through my window
The moonlight’s so bright but can’t give any clues
I have to write the song and sing it sincerely
Repeat Chorus
Bridge
There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel
And it gives me comfort if I see you once again
The magic will never be lost and the passion would keep on flaring
It may be over for us but it would never stop ther
Cause you touched my heart and soul so dearly
Repeat Chorus
Rest in Peace
I'm a Roman Catholic and majority of my Sundays for the 28 years in my life, I attend mass on an old church nearby. Like old churches in the Philippines, some hot shot families have their bodies burried in the church --- I can tell. I see them in our church floors ever since I was a kid.
But what's really eye catching for me were the letters RIP in each and every one of them. "Rest in Peace"... why? Are they in some kind of war?... that's what I have in mind back then. But of course, I grew up learning about unrest souls of the departed. But who really needs the resting? The departed or the ones they've left behind?
A sweet cheerful friend and colleague of mine had just joined the list of the departed ones last Thursday. I've actually last encountered her still around making pleasant smiles and cracking jokes Friday at the office before that senseless gunshot made her stay at CCU (Critical Condition Unit) at a hospital. The firing was Saturday, around 2:30 am. She was shot on a reason that only the shooter carries. In fact, I can't believe people will have a reason to shoot a young lady riding on her van on her way home from a weekend night out. I went on with my personal life believing everything is the same way as they should be that weekend only to learn that she is in this condition at the start of the working week. The sudden and shocking impact on mehas let my tear drop on the news. No one can actually tell how much it mean to me seeing her everyday. Now, I have to accept the fact that she's out of my daily life.
I've used the word "live" like it was a word taken for granted especially by me as I mention it on my daily prayers, a part of a song, a line on a fiction I'm writting, a script I hear over and over in the many movies that I watch. In fact, I see departures, deaths, goodbyes so often in the movies over and over and cried along with the actors over and over. Then the word "live" passes by me like it wasn't there before those goodbyes and in some cases, that word actually existed even after the goodbyes. So it was until now that I've taken a closer look of the word goodbye. I've had nights that I've denied to myself that there can't be a goodbye... not that soon. I've pretended that there isn't some kind of departure that happened by trying to move on... trying to live.
Until now.
It just came to me --- living is only possible if you know how to say goodbye. Like I live today because I said goodbye to yesterday. I live to see my workplace because I've learned to say goodbye to a college life. That I think I must learn to say goodbye to a workplace with air filled with her laughter in order to live the days without them.
She has rested, that's for sure. The worryful world is already taken away from her. The question of her finding peace there is a question only God knows how to answer. We can only pray she has it or will very soon get it. To me, peace is close. I'm not sure if I've already had it in me. I've got to believe that I've already said goodbye to live with the peace I hope to achieve.
To Love
There not much to describe the love I have inside for my fiance... but surely, my fiance did have some words and claimed there was more to these words. But I think these are words enough to trully fall all over again.
My heart would always be warmth and embraced by love for you... no matter what...
My heart and mind would hum and sing hymns forever, all because of you...
Your scent would always fill my lungs to breath and exhale wonders of joy...
My soul would live forever all because of love you've unselfishly shared...
and if everything's gone, my life would go on and enlive the songs within...
I posted this on my bedroom board to just be inspired over and over again. And this effort to put these words even in this blog would just only mean I'm simply addicted to them... I love you too, Vebs...
It May Seem Like It But...Weird World
I must say, it seems like I'm bored... but really, I'm not. I'm just frustrated with many things and now, posting on this blog seem an entertaining place to be ... and this quiz, well Aleah introduced this on her blog --- this must be fun!
Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs...
alright BSB ...
1. Are you male or female?
Beautiful Woman
2. Describe yourself:
No One Else Comes Close
3. How do some people feel about you:
Incomplete
4. How do you feel about yourself:
More Than That
5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:
ugh... Not for Me
6. Describe your current significant other:
The Perfect Fan
7. Describe where you want to be:
Safest Place to Hide
8. Describe how you live:
Like a Child
9. Describe how you love:
It's True
10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish:
Time
11. Share a few words of wisdom:
Quit Playing Games
12. Now say goodbye:
Friends Never Say Goodbye
... dang, I can't believe it! No appropriate question for me to answer Weird World... hmm...
Quiz from Terese's
Well, I went to Terese's blog in Multiply... I just thought this quiz is really fun and I need a break...
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:43am but I got up from bed, 7:15 am... can't help it... habit
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Rumor Has It... unexpectedly
4. What's your favorite TV show? American Idol (I know... I'm a sucker for dreamers!), Amazing Race (... and I'm a sucker for places that I can't go to...)
5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had breakfast on a fast food chain so that's Bangus Belly and rice
6. What's your favorite cuisine? Italian... yum!
7. What foods do you dislike? Monggo seeds, sea weeds
8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Cheese
9. What's your favorite CD at the moment? Never Gone (BSB)
10. What kind of car do you drive? ugh... that's a hard question... ugh... none, I don't have a car...
11. Favorite sandwich? Bacon Mushroom Melt... Wendy's delight!
12. What characteristics do you despise? SNIOPS... negative energy in the room
13. What is your favorite type of clothing? Shirts that just fits right (not the tight ones but not mens' shirt as well) jeans, slippers/flip flops
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? New York/US East Coast/LOTR tour in New Zealand
15. What color is your bathroom? sea green
16. Favorite brand of clothing? I'm the cheapest person you can meet! Since I'm cheap: Jag, Lee, Kamiseta
17. Where would you retire to? Maybe here in Manila or Panggasinan, North of Luzon
18. Favorite time of the day? 8:00pm-1:00am
19. What was your most memorable birthday? I've had many memorable birthdays... but since I got my hubby, every year was memorable!
20. Where were you born? Makati
21. Favorite sport to watch? ... that's hard... every sport that I can't play is lovely to watch... and that seems like almost every sport there is... oh, but I don't like professional wrestling
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? ugh...
23. Person you expect to send it back first? ugh...
24. What fabric detergent do you use? Pride
25. Were you named after anyone? Maybe some television show character names... I can't be sure
26. Do you wish on stars? on catholic churches ... maybe twice back in college
27. When did you last cry? awhile ago... Ghost was on HBO so...
28. Do you like your handwriting? if it becomes consistenly readable, I might
29. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? If I can stand a weirdo, I might
30. Are you a daredevil? eh... I can't even play volleyball!
31. Do looks matter? when attitude becomes annoying, it will
32. How do you release anger? I cry.. then I write on a journal... then I'll be calm...
33. What were your favorite toys as a child? Playing cards, Tetris/brick game... now those are addicting stuff!
34. What class in High School was totally useless? Trigonometry
35. Favorite movies? LOTR, HP series (so far), Star Wars, Matrix... dang, the list could go on...
36. What are your nicknames? Maecey, Maan, MAC... so far, no one's calling me Hermy... would they?
37. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no
40. Do you think that you are strong? maybe
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate chip; choco marble
42. What are your favorite colors? all shades of blue...
43. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? the dominant laziness that resides within me
44. Who do you miss the most? my cousins
45. Do you want everyone you sent this to, to send it back to you? ugh...
46 What color pants are you wearing? blue...
47. Last thing you ate? spanish style sardines, with KFC chix and rice
49. If you were a CRAYON what color would you be? a new shade of blue
50. Last person you talked to on the phone? Hubby
51. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? smiling aura
52. Favorite drink? hot choco
53. Do you wear contacts? no
54. Favorite day of the year? a day of anticipating for anything
55. Endings happy or sad? sad unexpected ending
56. Winter/summer? I don't have a choice... it's either summer or summer...
57. Hugs OR Kisses? hugs
58 What is Your Favorite Dessert? cheese cake
59. What Book(s) are you reading? ugh... embarrassing but i have to be honest so.... "Daniel Radcliffe: No Ordinary Wizard"... before that, "Ender's Game"... I'm now looking for "Speaker for the Dead"
60. What is on your mouse pad? "Dell"
61. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Dave on HBO
62. Favorite Smells? flower fragrance
63. Stones or Beatles? Beatles minus the attitude
64. What's the furthest you've been from home? Boracay Island
Lost Appetite
Alright... I lost appetite to continue the HBP day...
...everyone knows why... insults can't really keep motivations, in case some millionaire would wonder...
What is July 16 to a Muggle Like Me?
5:30am Yeah, I remember turning in my bed when I heard something fell. It’s pretty loud because with the way I sleep, waking should’ve been difficult. It’s probably my 8th or 9th time to wake this early in 2005. Just imagine what a struggle I’ve had just to know what could have fell. Since everything’s a bit blurry, I turned on the lampshade to discover a revealing thought.
That thing that fell was my Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Yup, it just confirmed it’s HBP day today.
6:01am I’m still in bed but my mind was wandering throughout the day. How do I schedule the day? I’ve tons to do --- all of which you can’t ignore. Thoughts were interrupted when my sister came in the room and confirmed what fell awhile ago. “Nope, it wasn’t me”, I said as she thought I was the one that fell. Dang, I’m much heavier than that! My other sister downstairs would’ve heard that. Err, speaking of weights, I have to get up before it gets heavier for me to leave for work.
6:18am I stepped out of the room and felt confident that I have the right shirt laid down in my bed. I’ll take a bath later. I greeted my usual lively “Magandang Umaga” (Good Morning) to everyone. I’m sure this is a good morning. Mom is having her usual busy morning --- cooking beautiful breakfast. What could be more beautiful than hotdogs and eggs in the morning?
Then… a little moment on, I remembered something.
I have to be extra careful with what I eat. I just learned last night that taking iron supplements can have side effects in the digestive system. Believe me, Diarrhea is not a joke when you’re working in a cold place and the nature of your work is analyzing. Nothing greasy or dairy should be eaten. Dang, everything is just that --- hmm, almost. I stopped Mommy when she’s about to make the rest of the rice as sinangag. She’s not offended. She knows my case. I ate steamed rice with egg and warm mango juice. Ever heard of a warm mango juice? You’ll hear one once you’re in my situation.
6:59am Whew! Got myself talking with my homies too long. I’m supposed to be leaving for work. I’m really not regretting or anything. I’m even glad I have that I have that talk. My sister will be the one to buy HBP for me. She’ll look after my Mom when I’ll leave. It made my day all the more beautiful. Just hoping the rain won’t ruin my journey to work. I don’t want to be stuck in a jeepney like I was yesterday.
8:00am Nothing could be sharper! Though the building’s clock is 6 minutes earlier, I don’t mind. The office’s grace period will always save me. I was serious with what I’ll have to accomplish in my day, ordered a regular sized French fries from MacDonald’s through an officemate --- who’s five times craving for Mickey D’s as I am.
9:47am Got interrupted with work. I thought I heard the words “Power Books” and “excited”. Was I just paranoid? So, I raised my head to peek over the work station dividers. Yes, I’m right. I’m not the only one anticipating for HBP. A group of four or five officemates is heading towards the bookstore to line up for HBP. They didn’t sign up for reservations so they’ll tag along with the moms and dads and children in the bookstore to grab a copy. Dang… I’m thinking to read a chapter through their copy later… it’s starting to itch.
10:38am Ok, I’m focused. I’m sure the things I assigned to be finished on this very day. I’m inches away from that accomplishment when a phone call stopped me. The phone call was just for a few seconds. Its effect lasted for thirty minutes. It was a call telling me who died in HBP.
Darn! Darn! Darn! …
Darn, I wish she didn’t have to be a killjoy telling me who dies… Darn, I should’ve placed a bet on my hunch on who’s going to die (err, to those who’s been following my thoughts, that’s a major spoiler!) … and Darn! HBP is in her hands already!?!
So, I dashed to the other end of the office to arrange with the owner of HBP to read just only the first chapter 12 noon.
11:51am With determination and of course inspiration, work is done. I tried my hardest to be as sharp as I was this morning but this itch can’t wait. I immediately but silently left my seat and strode my way to the place where HBP is waiting for me. And when I said it’s waiting, I mean it. It was sitting on the top of the owner’s table. My eyes probably have sparked. I even forgot to greet the owner. The book was already naked from its flap covers and it seemed to me many has browsed through it --- like I know I did moments ago. I asked to sit on a chair that’s isolated from her view. I don’t want her to see my eyes any further. I felt all the blood rush in my veins that I’m sure, again, is not normal for reading a children’s book. But a couple of seconds later, I figured, I’m not alone. In the middle of reading, the owner would tell me of her thoughts on the first chapter --- she read a little in the taxi from the bookstore! Now, that’s a thing I won’t do. She left at the moment I’ve sorted out what Prime Minister JK Rowling was she referring to. Interesting…
12:44pm I’m back at my seat. Darn! HBP is a good read in its first chapter! I can only smile to other HP fans neighboring my workstation. Not to make them jealous or anything but that’s just simply what I felt doing. It’s pretty early for me to leave for my friend’s place for a fitting session on the gown that I’ll be wearing for her wedding. I’m part of the entourage and I’m honored. I always am, anyway, every time someone asks for me to be a part of her special day. So I tagged along with my “neighbors” in ordering delivered food from fast food chains. I order chicken… I hope it won’t have a bad reaction to my stomach.
HBP day is not yet over…
The Top Seven Reasons Why I Had a Fever
Just when I thought last week will be an overwhelming week for me --- nah, it didn't went that way. I was confined in my bedroom thinking about why I had that fever. I ended up with this list.
Let's start at number 7...
7. Too much excitement
Well, everyone must have known that I'm a big Backstreet Boys fan. So? Any connections? Let's just say I've planned June 14 to be a day to go out to the mall, grab the album and snuggle in my earphone the whole working hours listening to it. I know and every knows how different would the BSB sound right now. Plus, on my small analysis, this BSB album wouldn't be like their Black & Blue album on which the least effort was given. I call Black & Blue the "forced album". Now... imagine the excitement I have... that could be a reason but there's six more...
6. There's no such thing as a "joking around therapy"
There are two instances where I played around and made fun on a something. One of which was a chorus of coughers. In the office, two of my friends were coughing and they were sitting side by side. They repeatedly coughed their way to work. It was loud and you couldn't help but notice them. So I kid around and told the other one who's seated near them, "Bilib ako sa 'yo kung makauwi ka ngayong gabi ng walang ubo" (I'll be proud of you if you'll go home without coughs). Then in hlh.com, Kate J. already gave me my own gallery of fanarts in her site! That's really awesome! Then I saw her tagboard... I wrote there "I have a gallery? I have my own gallery!?! Nurse! Someone get me a nurse! My heartbeat is not normal!".... bad joke.... bad carma...
5. The movies
Monday, I watched a movie with my boyfriend. The movie is a romantic comedy called A Lot Like Love. I am not an Ashton Kutcher fan. Love stories were the last ones I'll watch in a movie house. I'm a little broke... or maybe I'm just saving up for that BSB album .... but bottomline, I don't have the money for a movie. Why am I in that movie laughing my butts off Ashton's silly lines? I am simply bored. Then when I was sick, I thought of that movie with Dustin Hoffman called "Outbreak". The virus of that movie found its way in the US mass from a crew of a vessel that carried the monkey. That crew was steaming with fever and kept coughing in a movie house. The virus, via cgi, was visualized in the movie to fly from that crew's cough into the mouth of the laughing audience in the movie. A couple of hours later, the hospital was full of infected people... dying... Good news is I'm alive. Bad news could be my fever.... who knows, right?
4. Phobia on doctors
Never had one but people here at home kept pressing on my probable nervousness facing a doctor again after my operation in January. I went last Monday to ask the doctor of my still prolonged and heavy menstruation. This family is the thoughtful kind and they've been pushing me to go back to the doctor as soon as April. But my doctor asked me to go back to her after three menstrual period. It just ended first week of June because menstruation was as long as a month. Dang, isn't that expensive and all? Well, I must've been nervous to face a new doctor because of this new HMO we have.
3. Changing Climate
Now, this is the most popular reason. Everyone I've met after that fever instinctively said to me... "It's the drastic change in climate". True, climate has been drastic to us living in the Philippines. Three to four days, it was raining like crazy then the next day, you're sweating like hell is on Earth. My thick pajamas were sent out and back in the closet for the shortest period of time. And my big warm red jacket was only used once. There was actually an instance when I was stuck in the middle of the streets with all the gusty wind and rain. The following day, I was sneezing... but that was a month ago... this can't be the number one reason but it can be a reason.
2. Lack of Sleep
The independence day weekend was not so exciting. But for some reason, I can't get to sleep that weekend. I've tried all sort of stuff just to bring myself to sleep. It's like that line in a song that goes "I tossed and turned can't sleep at night..." but the thing is nothing's worrying me. I read a chapter in the Sorcerrer's Stone. I drank a glass of milk. I turned on the radio and with the sleep function on. I turned on the computer and chat with some kids in the EW.net's chat room. Probably I fell asleep around 3:30am then I woke up 7am... immune system probably has been weak after that.
And the number one reason,
1. I'm simply hot : )
